Martin Learns Bad Words

Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something. "Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a cunt hair off each side and put the mother fucker back up." Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home." When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get fucked. That's the electrician's job."

A Childs' Perspective!

• A monsoon is a French gentleman.
• For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
• To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
• Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.
• Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there.
• A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
• The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming down.
• Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
• Someday we might discover magnets that can point in any direction.
• One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
• Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
• Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
• There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the earth because so many people are stomping around there these days.
• The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
• There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
• I'm not sure how clouds are formed, but clouds know how to do it, and that's the important thing.
• The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Little Catholic Kids Prays for a Car

A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. "God," he prayed, "I really want a car."  Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty.  "God," he prayed again, "I really NEED a car."  Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into his parents' bedroom, and grabbed the statuette of the Virgin Mary off the mantelpiece. He wrapped it up in ten layers of paper, using three rolls of tape and a spool of twine, then stuffed it inside a box at the very bottom of his closet.  "Okay, God," he said, getting down onto his knees again, "if you ever want to see your mother again..."