No Pressure

This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

Pale Daddy

Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?
Shut up and keep digging.

Mother Daughter Exchange

Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!