Life

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.   ...Clarence Darrow

Stop

A lady drove a van full of a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot looking for a space. Obviously frazzled she coasted through a stop sign; "Hey lady have you forgotten how to stop?!" yelled an irate man she rolled down the window and said "What makes you think these are all mine?"

Family Breakfast

Two brothers went downstairs for breakfast, where their mother was cooking. "What do you want for breakfast?" asked the mother. "Shit, I want some fucking pancakes," said the first brother. The mother slapped him across the face. "We don''t talk like that in this house. Now, how about you, son? I hope you've learned a lesson from your brother. What do you want for breakfast?" "I''ve sure learned my lesson! You can bet your ass I don't want any fucking pancakes!"