Great Britain Culture

In Britain, when you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen.
And when you turn 16, you get a text from Prince Andrew.

Hotel Jesus

Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Research Paper Excuses

A college professor had just finished explaining how important it was that a research project be turned in on time. He said there were only two acceptable excuses for late projects: 1) A certified medical excuse, or 2) A death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass student raised his hand and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" As expected, this caused an explosion of laughter.
After the class had settled down, the professor froze the student with a glaring look and said, "Well, in that case, I guess you would just have to learn how to write with your other hand."