Idiot Sightings!

Idiot Sighting #1:  I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?".  I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?". He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Idiot Sighting #2:  The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!"
 Idiot Sighting #3:  At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often."  Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
Idiot Sighting #4:  I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.
Sighting #5:  When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!".   "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side."

Boy Named Odd

There once was a boy named "Odd." People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died. Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

Welfare Applications

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.

• I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.
• I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
• Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
• I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?
• I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.
• This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.
• Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.
• I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
• In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.
• I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.
• My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since. Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
• You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?
• I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.
• I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
• In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.