Assign The Punishment

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment. This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off. Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying: "Cindy, you have sinned."

Yo Mama - Under 17

Yo mama so stupid when she went to go see a movie, it said "under 17 not allowed," so she left to get 16 more friends to go with her.  

Insult Collection 02

• If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
• You'd make a lovely corpse!
• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
• Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat?
• Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
• You're a wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits...huh?
• Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast?
• You love nature in spite of what it did to you?
• I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located?
• I wish I'd known you when you were alive.
• If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginner's luck!
• What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement.
• When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
• I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
• You're a mouse studying to be a rat.
• Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
• Every time I'm next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
• I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest!
• If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
• Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
• You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.