I Get No Respect Part 2

• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
• My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
• I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
• Once when I was lost.. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said "I don't know kid.. there are so many places they can hide."
• I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said "On your mark..."
• On Halloween parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year one kid tried to rip my face off! Now it's different when I answer the door the kids hand me candy.
• I had a lot of pimples when I was younger. One day I fell asleep in a library; I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.
• My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Yo Mama - Short Leg

Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles.

Tourist In London

An American walking through the streets of London, passed under Canary Wharf (London's biggest building).  As he stood there looking up, a kid joined him.  After a while, the American turned to the kid and said, "Do you realize, son, that we have buildings like that in the States, only they're three times the size?" "I'm not surprised," said the kid. "That's a Lunatic Asylum!"