Insulting at Christmas

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.

Tourist In London

An American walking through the streets of London, passed under Canary Wharf (London's biggest building).  As he stood there looking up, a kid joined him.  After a while, the American turned to the kid and said, "Do you realize, son, that we have buildings like that in the States, only they're three times the size?" "I'm not surprised," said the kid. "That's a Lunatic Asylum!"

Yo Daddy Is So Bald

Yo daddy is so bald, when he wears a turtleneck he looks like a broken condom.