Pumped Up

Q: Did you hear about the pumpkins that went to the gym?
A: They wanted to become jacked-o-lanterns.

What Costume?

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as. The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?  "Nah...they were white, her husband replied.  "Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?"  "No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!"  So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.  So he thinks a bit and then pops up, " I got it! .We'll go as Heshey Bars!"  "Heshey bars?", replies his wife,"are you nuts!"  "Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!"

Mistaken Identity

Went to a fancy dress party and everyone was dressed as either a nurse, a doctor or Freddy Krueger. When I made a comment on how unimaginative they all were, I was called "insensitive" and told to leave the hospital burns unit.