Prerequisite For Farting

Q: Why do men break wind more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

The Landlord

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "I need to speak to him, can you get him for me?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman, clearly aroused. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room."

To The Dump

You might be a redneck if you come back from the dump with more than you took.