Toothpick From the Bar

One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door. When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door. Again, there stands another bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?" The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar. Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door. This time, there's a bum asking for a straw. The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there. The bum replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."

Grosser Than Gross - Farting

Q: What's gross?
A: Farting in the bathtub.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: Catching the bubbles with your teeth.

A hot meal

Two starving homeless men are walking down an empty street in a quiet town. They spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. The first man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he will wait. After the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the road. eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it up. The second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he sits down: "Now THIS is what i've been waiting for! A hot meal!"