License to Steal

Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached to the bumper.

Chinese Prostitute

Q: What do you call a stupid Chinese prostitute?
A: Wun Dum Ho.

Stupid Insults

• Calls people to ask them their phone number.
• Can be outwitted by a jar of Marshmallow Fluff.
• Can discern facts and form predictions with the acumen of an economist.
• Can easily be confused with facts.
• Can only remember her old passwords.
• Can only shoot pool with a left-handed cue stick.
• Can't distinguish jacking off and stropping a razor.
• Can't find log base two of 65536 without a calculator.
• Can't program his way out of a for-loop.
• Car's only got three wheels, and one's going flat.
• Carrier wave unmodulated.
• Carries a tire gauge in her purse.
• Cart can't hold all the groceries.
• Cauliflower for brains.
• Changes hands and picks up a stroke.
• Charming as a carbuncle.
• Cheats when filling out opinion polls.
• Cheezwiz for brains.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Clock doesn't have all its numbers.
• Collects cards for Craig.
• Communications with him is limited to ping.
• Confused as a baby in a topless bar.
• Consumes hard drugs as vitamins.
• Contributes to collections like this one without searching first to see if their little gem is already listed.
• Contributes to the population problem.
• Could be considered a plant if he developed phototrophic motility.
• Could only be loved/missed if the minister read someone else's eulogy.
• Couldn't balance a checkbook if Einstein helped.
• Couldn't count to 21 if he were barefoot and without pants.