Ninja Norris

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Ten Ways To Insult The Elderly

1. You tell them that you went to the museum, saw dinosaur bones, and thought of them.
2.  For their birthday, you offer to help them blow out the candles.
3. On their birthday, you tell the fire department that if they see a large fire, don't water it down, because soggy cake is no good.
4.  Explain to them that the reason that no one can see the Christmas tree is because you put on every ornament that they got in their life.
5. Ask them if they got Columbus' autograph.
6. Tell them that the reason that they got no birthday gifts was that everyone had to pitch in to buy the candles.
7. Ask them if the Disney hit Hercules is telling the truth.
8. Ask them in what order God REALLY made the Earth.
9. Ask them if they helped God write the Bible.
10. Ask them if they personally knew Adam and Eve.

Saddam's Bounty

Person 1: Did you know Saddam has a bounty on his head?
Person 2: Really?
Person 1: It's not surprising, I mean, he's had a twix over his lips for years now!