Alien Booty Call - Home

Q: Would you like to visit my home planet?
A: I can offer you countless anal probes and tissue extractions.

Train Driver

One day a group of businessmen were traveling to a meeting by train. The trip was going as usual, the passengers conversed and the meals were delivered. When the train entered an open area, it started rapidly slowing down causing everyone in it to come flying across their seats. The train however didn't stop and to everyone's shock started derailing into the field. For a couple of horrifying moments everyone held their breath as the train hurtled through the field, into the woods and then back on its tracks.
Shocked and infuriated, one of the businessman rushed to the operator:
"What the fuck just happened!?" He screamed.
"Hey listen" The operator tries to explain "I was driving as usual and then there was this dude came out of nowhere in the middle of the tracks.."
"SO YOU DERAILED THE TRAIN?!" Screams the man "YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN US ALL KILLED! I'm sorry but you had to run him over!"
"WELL I TRIED DAMMIT" Answers the operator "But the fucker ran into the woods."

Little Boy Blue

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson.