Mummy Reservation

A mummy calls a restaurant. Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Hotepsekhemwy. Could you spell it out, please?
Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.

Last Musical Request

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day. As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions." The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead. The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."

Online Dating

I'll never use online dating again!
The last guy said he lived in a gated community.
Prison. He meant prison!