One Line Bumper Stickers

• Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
• Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
• Earn cash in your spare time... blackmail friends.
• Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
• Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
• History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
• It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
• It works better if you plug it in. 

Subway Sandwich Sign

Lettuce meat olive your eggspectations

Dear Abby: Lying Cheat

Dear Abby: My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his coworkers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat. I don't know what to do.
Signed - Frustrated
 
Dear Frustrated: You should dump him. Now that you are finally a New York Senator, you don't need him anymore.