Bad Corporate Slogans

These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world. 

• Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?" 
• MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."
• Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"
• Iguana: "The other green meat."
• Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"
• Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."
• Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"
• Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"
• Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"
• Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

Sleep Deprivation Research in Sherrill NY

In the sleepy city of Sherrill, N.Y., two unsuspecting adults have found themselves the objects of sleep deprivation research.  James Harden is currently in his tenth month of his study. His subjects, Debbie and Dennis Harden, have tried to foil his research to no avail. "Ferber" has failed and so has "The Family Bed."  
Young James conducts his studies by awakening in the wee hours of the morning, standing up in his crib, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Sometimes, a backrub from Mom will put him back to sleep; but at other times, it takes the formula ritual. Sometimes James is actually hungry but most of the time he just wants to check how his research is going.  Just how far has he gone? Last week, James woke up too early; his parents were still up watching David Letterman. Dennis looked at his lovely wife and said, "I can't take this. I'm going to bed."  Debbie responded, "If you do that, I will kill you in your sleep." Dennis went to get the baby.
Any non-Ferber advice or even sympathetic anecdotes are being requested by these strung-out parents. All other babies James age in this area actually sleep through the night and have done so since they were 2 days old. Or their parents are outright liars!

Signs And Notices 02

• On a ski lift in Taos, NM: 'No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.'
• Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
• Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): 'Caution: Road Slippery from Grape juice'.
• A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let's see who can go down hill the fastest.
• Sign in King's Canyon in California. 'Slow Parking Ahead'
• A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof and all the windows down. The caption reads:' Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!!!'
• Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.
• Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot" "Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."
• I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here. You have to bring your own.