Classified Ad Bloopers!

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

• Free Yorkshire Terrier 8 years-old. Hateful little dog.
• Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel 1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog.
• Free Puppies: Part German Shepherd, Part Stupid Dog.
• German Shepherd - 85lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free!
• 1 Man, 7 Women hot tub -- $850/offer
• Amana Washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
• Snow blower for sale. Only used on snowy days.
• 2 Wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair $15.
• Tickle Me Elmo, Still in Box, Comes with its own1988 Mustang, 5L, Auto , Excellent Condition, $6,800.                               
• 83 Toyota Hunchback -- $2,000.
• Star Wars Job of the Hut -- $15.
• Soft & Genital Bath Tissues or Facial Tischue - $.89.
• Full-Sized Mattress, 20 Year Warranty,  Like New! Slight urine smell.
• FREE 1 Can of Pork & Beans, With Purchase of 3 BR / 2 BTH Home.        
• Nordic Track, $300, Hardly used. Call Chubbie.
• Bill's Septic Cleaning "We Haul American Made Products".
• Shakespeare's Pizza - Free Chopsticks.
• HUMMELS - Largest Selection Ever! "If it's in stock, we have it!"
• Get a Little John: The Traveling Urinal, Holds 2 1/2 Bottles of Beer.
• Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club.
• Georgia Peaches, California Grown - $.89/lb.
• Nice Parachute, Never Opened - Used Once, Slightly Stained.
• American Flag, 60 Stars - Pole Included - $100.
• Tired of Working for only $9.75 per hour?  We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting Pay: $7-9 per hour.
• Exercise Equipment, Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs - $175.
• Our Sofa Seats the Whole Mob!  And it's made of 100% Italian Leather.
• Joining Nudist Colony!  Must Sell Washer & Dryer - $300.
• Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty.
• Alzheimer's Center Prepares for an Affair to Remember.
• Gas Cloud Clears out Taco Bell.
• Open House!  Body Shapers Toning Salon, Free Coffee & Donuts.
• Kellogg's Pot Tarts - $1.99/box.
• Fully Cooked Boneless Smoked Mann,  $2.09/lb.
• FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes - Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

Educational Priority

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
January 12, 1993 Rhett Jacobs, Democratic candidate for the South Carolina House and a man who listed "education" as his top priority, submitted a required campaign disclosure form in October, handwritten, on which he detailed expenses for "filling fee," "campain work" and "litature."

Real Advertisements 3

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• Sheer stockings: Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: one. We build bodies that last a lifetime.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!