What's for Lunch

Q: How do you break an addiction to lunch meat?
A: Go cold turkey.

Dinner Invitation

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Harvard Grad Off Your Porch

Q: How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.