Yo Mama - Bird Seed

Yo mama so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.

In The Groove

This crazy guy walks into a restaurant and tells the waiter, “Lemme get a cheeseburger, not too rare, not too well done, but right in the groove. Lemme get some fries, not too crispy, not too burnt, but right in the groove. And while you’re at it, throw in a shake, not too thin, not too thick, but right in groove.” The waiter took down the order and came back five minutes later and told the man, “The cook said you can kiss his ass, not to the left, not to the right, but right in the groove.”

Top Chef

An Admiral visited one of the ships under his command. While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit. He went to the Culinary Specialist to ask how this feat was done, and how to replicate it on other ships under his command. The CS replied, "I'd be glad to share that with you, Admiral. After each biscuit is cut, I just slap it here against my belt buckle which bears the Navy insignia." Horrified, the Admiral exclaims, "That's very unhygienic!"
The CS shrugged and replied, "Well, if that's the way you feel, Sir, I suggest you avoid the donuts."