Give Us New Missiles

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dog fights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes. Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow. His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about the scorecard from Lebanon. He told his Syrian guest, "Take anything you want - our best tanks, rifles, or surface-to-air missiles." "No, no - you don't understand!" the Syrian replied. "Last time you gave us surface-to-air missiles. This time we need surface-to-jet missiles!"

Russian War College Class

At the Russian War College, the General is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, "Will we have to fight a World War Three?" "Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the General. "And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. "The likelihood is that it will be China." The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?" "Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time." "But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough Jews?"

A Cultural Comparison

• Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
• Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
• Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
• Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
• Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
• Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
• Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
• Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
• Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer
• Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness
• Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
• Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
• Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
• Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
• Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
• Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
• Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
• Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
• Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball
• Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.
• Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
• Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
• Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
• Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool.
• Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
• Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
• Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
• Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
• Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer.
• Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer.
• Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer.
• Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
• Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
• Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
• Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
• Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.