Polack Detective

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than asking the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation, "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. The Italian replied, "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man and he left. When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked, "How did The interview go?" Smiling, he replied, "Great! I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"

Italian Construction Worker

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?" pointing to the supervisor. The other says, "I don't know, go ask him." So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come we do all a da work and you get all a da money?" The supervisor says "Intelligence". Guido says "what is this intelligence?" The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hita my hand as hard as you can!" Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the supervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor says "That's intelligence". Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his co-worker says "Hey what did he say?" With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his face and says "hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."

Italian Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella, Not a creature was stirrin', Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin' pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!" When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear, But da Don of all elfs, And eight friggin' reindeer! Wit' slicked back black hair, And a silk red suit, don Christopher wuz here, And he brought da loot! Wit' a slap to dare snouts, And a yank on dare manes, He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name. "Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito, Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!" As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed, He flew troo da winda And slapped me 'side da head. "What da heck you doin' Pullin' a gun on da Don? Now all you're gettin' is coal, You friggin' moron!" Den pointin' a fat finga Right unda my nose, He twisted his pinky ring, And up da chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh, Obscenities screamin', Away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin'. Den I heard him yell out, What I did least expect, "Merry Friggin' Christmas to all, And yous better show some respect!"