The Italian Boy and the Jewish Boy

Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy's father presents him with a new pistol. On the other side of town, at his Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys are showing each other what they got. They each liked what the other one got, so, they traded. That night, when the Italian boy is at home, his father sees him looking at the watch. "Where did you getta thatta watch?" asks the man. The boy explains that he and Sammy had traded. The father blows his top. "Whatta you? Stupidda boy? Whatsa matta you!" "Somma day, you maybe gonna getta married. Then maybe sommaday you gonna comma home and finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Looka atta you watch and say, `How longa you gonna be?'"

Hidden in the Attic

This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider. "Well, Father," began the old man, "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her." "That's a wonderful thing," interjected the priest, "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!" "It's gets worse Father," continued the elderly fellow,  "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favors." The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded, "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly." "Thank you Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind!  Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son," said the priest. The old man asked, "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"

Polack Detective

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than asking the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation, "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. The Italian replied, "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man and he left. When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked, "How did The interview go?" Smiling, he replied, "Great! I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder!"