Defense Arts

A Japanese, Korean and Mexican man were discussing their favorite type of martial arts. Japanese man: I practice karate, the defense art. Korean man: I practice Taekwondo, the art of defense and attack. Mexican man: I practice Judono. The other two ask: We have heard of Judo but not Judono, what is it?
Mexican: Well, judono if I got a gun, judono if I got a knife...

Puerto Rican National Anthem

Q: What's the national anthem of Puerto Rico?
A: "Attention K-Mart shoppers..."

Hitler's Final Day

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.
One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful for your advice. I'm wondering something though, how come you never told me something that would be important to me  like when will I die?"
The astrologer said "Mein Fuhrer, you never asked."
Hitler says "I'm asking you now, do you know the day I'm going to die?"
The astrologer says "as a matter of fact I do know the day. You're going to die on a Jewish holiday."
Hitler is shocked, "that's a horrible thing - a Jewish holiday! What Jewish holiday am I going to die on?"
The man says. "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday."