7 Quickies!

1) On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, NM, an incident they say has been covered up by the military. On March 31, 1948, exactly nine months after that day, Al Gore was born. That clears up a lot of things.
2) What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
3) I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me -- they were cramming for their finals!
4) If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
5) If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
6) I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?
7) Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Polish Road Painter

A Polack is hired to paint the lines on the road. On the first day he paints ten miles, and his employers are amazed. But, the second day he painted just five, and on only the third day, he painted only a mile of the road. Disappointed his boss asks what the problem was. The Polack replies, "Well sir, every day I have to walk farther and farther to get back to the paint bucket."

Hellman's Mayonnaise

Most people don't know that back in 1912 Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the "Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City. Mexicans were crazy about the stuff. The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate ("desperados") at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as ... Sinko de Mayo.