Few Words

A woman catches a train and finds herself sitting opposite a little old Scotsman wearing a kilt. “Excuse me,” she says. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I always wanted to know what a man wears under one of these things.” The Scotsman replies, “I’m a man o’ few words, madam. Give me yer hand…”

It's The Carburetor

An American tourist was driving in County Kerry, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburetor that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him. Murphy said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars anyway."

Torotonians to Screw in Lightbulb

Q: How many Torontonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it's the greatest event in the history of creation, a truly world-class bulb screwing.