Using a Suppository

A guy walks into a pharmacy to pick up his prescribed suppository and asks the pharmacist how to use it. The pharmacist tells him that he should take it rectally, and the guy leaves, confused. After 10 minutes, he comes back in and and asks her again how to use the suppository. The pharmacist tells him to put it in his anus, and the guy still seems confused, but leaves anyway. After an hour, he calls the pharmacy and asks the pharmacist how to use the suppository again, and she tells him, "Grab the suppository and shove it up your ass!" The guy yells back at the pharmacist, "No need to be rude, you're just doing your job!"

Tonsil Talk

Q: What did one tonsil say to the other?
A: Better get ready, the doctor is taking us out tonight!

Oprectomy

KENMORE HOSPITAL
61 COMMONWEALTH AVE.
BOSTON, MA. 02115
DATE:____________NAME:____________ADDRESS: ____________
Please be advised that your Oprectomy operation is scheduled for_______________, at ___________(a.m.)(p.m.). The purpose of this extremely delicate operation is to sever the cord that connects your eyes to your rectum and hopefully get rid of your shitty outlook on life. 
Sincerely, J. Grabber, M.D.
Kenmore Hospital