Musical Operation

A man with a broken hand says to doctor, "Will I be able to play guitar after the operation on my hand?" The doctor says, "Yes of course." "That's great! I never could before."

Drunk Vs Alcoholic?

Q: What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?
A: A drunk doesn't have to go to those stupid meetings.

Abdominal Pain Treatment

A guy suffers from extreme abdominal pain and sees a doctor. The doctor says that medicated rectal inserts should rectify the problem. After performing the initial insertion, the doctor explains that the second should be inserted before bed. That night, the man asks his wife to help him. His wife puts a hand on his shoulder to steady him and inserts the medicine. He lets out a wail. "Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No -- I just realized that the doctor had BOTH hands on my shoulders!"