Screwing the Same Chick

Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard. Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy. The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone. "Well, give me the good news first," replied the other. "The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply. "And the bad news?" "Mine died."

If Men Got Pregnant...

1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay
2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.
14. Women would rule the world.

Car In A Ditch

A man is driving down the road and notices a car in the ditch. He doesn't usually help many people so he drives on by. Then he notices that a pretty woman is the driver so he goes back to help. As he is hooking his truck to her car he says, "You know, you are the first pregnant woman I've ever helped out of a ditch". "But I'm not pregnant," she says. "Well you're not out of the ditch yet," he says.