Charlie Wins

With all the negativity in the world today... 
...at least Charlie Sheen is staying positive.

3 Sick Soldiers

An army Major visiting sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks, "What's your problem, Soldier?"  
"Chronic syphilis, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!"
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front lines, Sir!"
"Good man!" says the Major.  He goes to the next bed.  "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!"
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front lines, Sir!"  
"Good man!" says the Major.  He goes to the next bed.  "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir!"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day, Sir!"
"What's your ambition?"
"To get to the front of the line and get the wire brush before the other two - Sir!"

Fishing Poles

A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said, "I am blind. Drop it on the ground and I'll tell ya." She dropped it on the ground. "Aahh that's $10.00." She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it. "That will be $20.00." "But you said $10.00." "$10.00 extra for the stink bait and duck call."