Screwing the Same Chick

Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bastard. Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy. The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate. "I've got some good news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone. "Well, give me the good news first," replied the other. "The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply. "And the bad news?" "Mine died."

Finding Zombie Babies

Q: What's worse then finding 10 zombie babies in a garbage can?
A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.

Childcare

When you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.