Pope Candidates

Since Pope John Paul is getting up in age the Vatican has started an early campaign to ''recruit'' a successor. They have interviewed many applicants and after many months of interviewing they have narrowed the search to TWO final candidates: Bishop McLaughlin from Dublin Ireland and Bishop Sicola from New York. They are both very good candidates. The Vatican selection committee finally settled on Bishop Sicola. Though after much debate they changed their minds and said that Bishop Sicola would NOT be a good choice because it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''pope-si-cola.''

Father I Have Sinned

One day 3 men went to a shrine to ask the Father for forgiveness. The first man went to the Father and said, "Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The first man: "I have lied!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the water and was "saved". Then the second man went up to the Father and said: "Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The second man: "I have stolen from the jeweler's!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the holy water and was "saved". The third man went up to the Father and said: "Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The third man: " I peed in the Holy water!"

Irish Nuns

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at traffic lights, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them. "Hey, show us your tits, yer bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculata, "I don't think they know who we are, show them your cross." Sister Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Screw off yer bloody little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Immaculata looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Was that cross enough?"