Dark Humor Jokes - Catholic Jokes

Lumber Confession

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.
"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"
O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Pope Calls the Plays

In New York City, Jets fans asked the Pope for a blessing so they could beat the Patriots.  Pope Francis said the Jets will win with a lot of Hail Mary’s

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (New York Jokes) , U.S. State Jokes (Massachusetts Jokes) , Sports Jokes (American Football Jokes)
Submitted BY: Nick

Confessing

There are two guys walking in front of a large church. One guy says to the other, "Just a minute, I'll be right back." He goes into the confessional and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I have had two extramarital affairs." The Father says, "You need to say 40 Hail Mary's and I also need to know if the women were members of my parish." The confessor replies, "Yes Father, they were." The priest says then that in order to receive absolution he, the priest, needed the names of the two women. The man said, "Father, I don't kiss and tell, and besides, I must leave them to handle their own confessions." The priest responded, "Well, was one of them Mrs. O'Reilly?" The man replied, "No Father, and I wouldn't say anyway. I've told you that!" The priest says, "Well, was one of them Mrs. Brown?" Exasperated the man said, "No Father, and I told you I'm not telling you the names of the women!!!" The priest said, "Well then I'm going to expel you from the congregation for 6 months! The man said. "OK, fine." and left. As he approached his friend at the bottom of the steps his friend said, "So, how did it go?" The confessor said, "Great! 6 months off, and two leads!"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
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