Watch for Children

I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade."

The Miracle of Christmas

I think the real miracle of Christmas is how I get through it each year without killing my relatives!

Facts of Life

• Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes, there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
• There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.
• Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
• Don't worry about the world ending today...It's already tomorrow in Australia. (unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)
• Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
• Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
• Drive carefully, It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
• A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
• A man usually feels better after a few winks, especially if she winks back.
• Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
• The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
• A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.