Tiger's Mercedes

Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky in his new Mercedes. He stopped at a small gas station and asked the mechanic if he could get his oil changed. "Why sure," the mechanic said, not seeming to recognize the golf star. About thirty minutes later the oil change is complete. As Tiger started to back the car out, the mechanic noticed some buttons on the dashboard and asked Tiger what they were for. Tiger looked down at the tees on his dash and says, "Those are what I set my balls on." The old man replied, "Boy oh Boy, those Germans think of everything, don't they!"

What OJ Has

Q: What does OJ have that every man wants?
A: A Heisman trophy and a dead ex-wife!

Louvre in Dire Straits

Due to the flooding from the Seine River, The Louvre museum in Paris is scrambling to donate French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork to any museum that can keep them dry.
Museums that have agreed to take the artwork are very excited since they're getting Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.