Shit In Hand

Q: What did the pollock say when he ran into the bar with a piece of shit in his hand?
A: Luck must be on my side tonight, look at what I almost stepped in.

Sex Operation!

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a beautiful lady. "May I buy you a drink?" the man asks the lady. "Sure, but one thing I have to confess before you get intimate is that I was once a man," she responds. "Whoa! I would have never known if you hadn't told me," the man says shocked, "Well what was the worst part of the operation? Was it when they sewed on those gahoonas?" "No," she says calmly. "What about when they cut off your.." "No," she says hesitantly. "Well what was the worst part of the operation?" the man asks. "Well, the worst part has to be when they removed half of my brain!"

The Bar And Chain

A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The bartender asks the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain around. The man answered "HEY!! you ever tried pushing one of these things!?"