Bar Jokes - Others

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs and bars. This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days. At this, the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The conversation follows:

Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul.

Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please.

Krachevski: Well, he is very tall.

Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal.

Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes.

Inspector: Oh! no. Something more substantial.

Krachevski: I got it. This is slightly uncommon. I'm sure now you shall be able to track him. You see, He's got two holes in his ass.

Inspector: (shocked): Well, well, that's curious. Are you sure?

Krachevski: Ya! Ya!

Inspector: Are you definitely sure that this very personal info you have is CORRECT?

Krachevski: Most certainly.

Inspector (still skeptical): But how're you so sure?

Krachevski: Simple. Whenever we used to go with him to the bar, everyone used to greet him as "Here comes Jean Paul with the two ass-holes!"

A man stood on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. He walked for hours with no cars passing him. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn't come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve. The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a bar and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same bar, and one said to the other. "Look Bubba, that's the jerk who climbed into the car while we were pushing."

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, young, urban, professional." The second guy says, "I'm a DINK. You know, double income, no kids." The third guy says, "I'm a RUB. You know, rich urban biker." They turn to the woman and ask, "So what are you?" The woman replies, "I'm a WIFE. You know - Wash, Iron, F***, Etc."

Two Irishmen were walking home after a night on the town when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up and said to Paddy "Jeez, that look's like Sean," to which Paddy replied, "No, Sean was taller than that."

There were three girls in a bar. One girl says, "I can get a whole hand up my vagina!"

Then the second girl says, "Well, I can get a whole foot up mine!"

Finally, the other girl says, "I don't mean to brag, but could you help me off this stool!"