Bar Chat

A bored guy sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation. He turns to bartender and says, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress ..."
"Look pal, I don't allow talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender.
A few minutes later the guy tried again, "People say about the Pope.."
"NO religion talk, either," the bartender cuts in.
One more try to break the boredom, "I thought the Yankees would..."
"NO sports talk. That's how fights start in bars!" the barman said.
"Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?"
"Sure, that we can talk about," replies the barkeep.
"Great. Go screw yourself."

Familiar Feel

Two old friends who love to push each other's buttons are in a bar, drinking. One reaches over and feels the other's bald head. "Good God! This feels just like my wife's ass!" The man whose head it is runs his hand over it, too.
"So it does! So it does!"

Brown Bag Surprise

One night a man walked into a bar with a brown paper bag. The woman sitting on the stool next to him asked him what it he had in there. He replies, "Sorry ma'am, I can't tell you. It's impolite." The woman kept asking, the man kept refusing until, finally, he told her, "Okay, if you must know, it's a pussy-eating frog." The woman insisted she didn't believe it and told him to come up to her hotel room and prove it. So the man followed her up to her room, she got into bed, he put the frog under the blanket and told it to eat. Nothing happened. The man kept telling the frog to eat. The woman began to get annoyed that nothing was happening. "Alright," said the man at length, "he's nervous. I'll have to show him how to do it all over again..."