A Man Had Been Drinking for Hours

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked. "That damned Pete!" the drunk shouted, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

Puzzled Doctor

The Doctor was puzzled, "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be the drink. " "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."

The Shortcut

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a graveyard. It's raining heavily and very dark. The drunk fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there. A while later, another drunk leaves the same bar and decides to take the same shortcut through the graveyard. He also falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but the mud is too slippery. The first drunk is still sitting there and watches as the other drunk tries, but fails to get out. The first drunk stands up, taps the second drunk on the shoulder and tells him, "You'll never get out!" He did.