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Bar Jokes - Drunk Jokes
The Drunk and His Mongoose
A drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I drink, I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."
"You idiot," the friend said. "Those are imaginary snakes."
"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box. "So is the mongoose."
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Clearing It
A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangeled Banner! Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he finishes the disgusted bartender says, "Why in the hell did you shit on my bar?" The drunk replies "Even Elvis had to clear his throat!"
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Redneck Driving
Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.
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