Redneck Driving

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.

Scottish Builder

A Scottish old timer is in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man. The 0ld Man speaks, "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the Fence-Builder? Nooooo!"  Then the old man gestured at the bar.  "Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the Bar Builder? Nooooooo!"  Then the old man points out the window.  "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea... Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-the Pier-Builder? Nooooo!"  Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention and says: "But ya fuck one goat......"

The Conventioneer from Saskatchewan

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman. "Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?".  "Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."  "Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"