Angry Barmaid

Q:  How do you know when the barmaid is really pissed off?
A: When you find a string in your bloody mary.

Come Home To This

This guy, about 40, walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he pulls out a picture of a beautiful girl, about 20. He orders drink after drink after drink. Finally, the bartender asks why he's getting drunk. "I have to come home to this!'' the guy says, pointing to the picture of the beautiful girl. "What's wrong with her?'' asks the bartender. ''She's beautiful and half your age!''
''Exactly. That's my daughter.''

Horse Country

A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up:  "Mister, watch what you say. You're in horse country."