What Time Does the Bar Open?

At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens."It opens at noon", answers the clerk.  About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.  "What time does the bar open?" he asks.  "Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.  Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"  The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you.""No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

Same Response

My wife often complains to me when she's drunk. Last night she complained when she was sober.
Non alcoholic whine.

If She Went Out With Me

A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers.  In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town's football team. He was bragging about his girlfriend and how she was lucky to have him for a boyfriend. The lumberjack, after drinking six bottles of beer, was heard to say, "Buddy, if she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again."  To which the local jock replied, "Hey buddy, if she went out with you, she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again."