Top Signs You're an Alcoholic

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. You fall off the floor.
6. That damn pink elephant followed you home again.
7. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
8. Your career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

Three Democrats

Three Democrats walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve Democrats here. "The Democrats say, "That's okay...we don't serve you either."

Russian Sex

A man is at a bar. He sees a good looking woman, but she's a little older. Maybe in her 40s. He goes up to her and starts a conversation. Halfway through she seems interested and asks an interesting question. She asks how he feels about a little mother-daughter action.
The man is intrigued. She is nice enough by herself, but her daughter must be amazing. He agrees and they go back to her place. They enter the house and go upstairs. The lady knocks on a bedroom door and gently whispers:
"Mom, are you awake?"