Bar Clothes Cleaning Funds

A guy in a bar pukes on his shirt. His friend says, “No worries, just stick a $10 bill in your pocket, and tell your wife some guy puked on you and gave you the money for the cleaning bill!”  So he goes home and explains this to his wife who then asks, “So why are there two $10 bills in your pocket?” He replies, “Oh, because the guy pissed in my pants as well!”

Duck and Rabbi

A duck walks into a bar with a rabbi on his head. "What's the deal?" the bartender asks. The duck says, "It's opposite day."

Alien Imports

An alien walked into a bar and sat down next to a burly-looking construction worker. He ordered a tequila, then turned to the construction worker, poked him in the arm and said, ''Mommy!'' The man shuddered and said, ''Man, get off me!'' But the alien just looked at him, poked him again, and said, ''Mommy!'' The man got up and left the bar, muttering about the damn alien imports. The alien sighed, turned to the bartender and asked for a copy of the Chicago Times. The bartender gave it to him, and to his surprise, the alien started reading it with his dick! ''Man!'' said the bartender, ''If you read with your dick, then how in the hell do you have sex?'' The alien smiled, poked him in the arm and said ''Mommy!''