Answering Machine - Frere Jacques

Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":  We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.

Wall Man

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?
A: Art

Flutes Out of Tune

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.