A Flute's Perfect Pitch

Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute?
A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in.

Viola Vibes

Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Sit in the back and don't play.

Viola Wannabe

Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Play in the low register with a lot of wrong notes.