When Two Equals Five

One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

Pregnant Smiles

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Cause you're fatter then they are.

Suck It In

I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon?" "Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers!"