Yo Mama - Long Distance

Yo mama is so fat, she has to make a long distance call to talk to herself.

Buddy System

My friend Julie announced that she had started a New Years diet to lose some pounds she had put on over the holidays. "Good!" I exclaimed. "I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first."
"Great!" she replied. "I’ll ride with you."

Eating a Lot

When I was young, I used to eat a lot because my parents told me that fat kids are harder to kidnap.