Facelift Technology

A woman wants a facelift and her surgeon tells her about a new procedure. "We put a dial in the back of your head and when your skin starts to sag you simply turn the knob." "That sounds good," she says. Two years later, she goes back and tells the surgeon that the dial is giving her bags under her eyes. "I'm sorry," replies the surgeon, "but those aren't bags -- those are your tits." "Oh," says the woman, "well that explains the goatee."

New Wife

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?"The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"

Yo Mama - Tail

Yo mama so ugly, the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.