Momma Bear

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.  Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.  He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!  "Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks?  Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.  He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?," he roars!  Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"  "It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who made the Coffee."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper." "It was 'Momma Bear' who set the table."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish." "And, now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace 'Momma Bear' with your presence,listen good, 'cause I'm only going to say this one time..."I haven't made the @!#$%^&* Porridge, yet!!"

Frog Meets a Psychic

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

Raccoon's Will

Q: What did the raccoon say in his will?
A: "Leave it to Beaver."